The JLA Reacts to Volcano
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Black Mask and the Leaguers watch, criticize, nitpick, heckle and react to the notorious 1997 disaster film Volcano. as Black Mask would describe said movie: "the Coast is Toast, my ass!" Zatanna declares "NO! God, no!" Red Hood says "It'll be a Hell Lava Waist of time", Mr. zsasz gives it "two marks way down" and Black Canary says "NO MORE DESTROYING LOS ANGELES, HOLLYWOOD!"


**THE JLA REACTS TO THE MOVIE VOLCANO**

"Alright everyone listen up! Since Hippolyta and Dinah are at Themysciera for the afternoon, I'm in charge"

"Ok Roman"

"Good. Now on my list of things I'm tasked to do, she said we're supposed to watch and react to Volcano"

"WHAT?!"

"Are you *censored* serious now?!"

"Oh no, anything but that"

"What the hell's the matter with it? It's a good ol' action movie, for cryin' out loud!"  
"It's a disaster movie. Duh. People die, buildings get ruined, all that kinda thing"

"Jason, listen very carefully: we're superheroes. Our whole life is a disaster movie"

"Ok, you have a point"

"But it has the guy who played me in Schumacher's Batman movies"

"Yes, that too"

"Plus it came out the same year as Titanic"

"You really shouldn't have said that birdfeed for brains"

"Timmy, get this through your head; we. Are. Never. Ever. Reacting. To. Titanic. Is that final?"

"Y-yes sir"

"Good, now get your food and drinks, sit down, shut your pieholes and let's get this over with"

"Right-o"

"This is gonna suck"

"Yeah, I wish I was with Hippolyta and Dinah right now…"

"Oh c'mon you guys, lighten up for goodness sakes. It's Christmas Day, we opened up all our presents and we're seeing Concussion tonight because I'm the one who had to fight through an entire theater full of customers to get the pre-order tickets. And, need I ask who took all of you to see The Force Awakens at opening night, on midnight no less, when the entire theatre was ALMOST SOLD OUT?!"

"Ok, ok, we're sorry"

"Eh, lighten up, I'm just messin' with you. Lois, start the film"

"You got it"

"Ok, looking good"

"You're saying that because it's the beginning of the movie"

"I know. The opening sequences are always good"

"Jason, if you hum the theme, I will personally plunge my fist up your *censored* so tight it'll look like the grossest puppet"

"Oh, get off of him, Stephanie!"

"Yeah boss"

"Roman, I'm scared"

"Zatanna, if this movie's too intense for you, then you and Ivy can go in the lounge room"

"Oh thank you"

"HEY! I didn't say right this minute! Now sit your fanny down this instant!"

"Oh, right, sorry"

"Zatanna, I really worry about you sometimes. I do worry about you a lot, in fact"

"Hey y'all. What up?"

"Livewire, Roman's makin' us watch this crappy B-movie Volcano"

"OMG I love that"

"Traitor"

"Shut your mouth, Jason. Plop down Livewire and keep the grub and drinks a-comin'"

"Right-o, boss man. Say, where's boss lady and my little lightning bolt Dinah?"

"At a retreat. Dinah said she really wanted to go to Themysciera for Christmas, but they'll be home tonight"

"Ah. Gotcha"

"Ooh-hoo baby, nothin' starts a movie off than hot babes in smokin' hot bikinis"

"Quiet, perv boy, or you'll be watching this through the padded room"

"Yeah, ok, my bad"

"I actually realized this entire film was filmed on location in California"

"How very informative, Barbara"

"Kiss-ass"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

"…nothing"

"Yeah. I hope so"

"Ok, an earthquake?! Where's the *censored* volcano?

"Patience, Jason, patience!"

"Grrrr… yes, Nocturna"

"Oh, now we see good ol' Tommy Lee Jones. He hasn't aged a bit since '95"

"You still mad that he ruined your image?"

"Nah. He and I made up after he gave me a copy of Men in Black"

"Nice"

"That black guy? Isn't he from Iron Man 2 or 3?"

"Yup"

"I thought that was Samuel L. *censored* Jackson"  
"wrong movie and wrong timing, Jason"

"Good point. I'll shut up now"

"AAAAAHHHH! SHE FELL INTO THE LAVA!"

"Holy moly Zatanna! Get a grip for Pete's sakes! Ivy, can you calm her down with your sleep pheromones?"

"Sure thing"

"Hey, what is that… mmm… Zzzzzz"

"Finally, some peace and quiet"

"Hey, I'm still up"

"Except for the super-psycho ex-Robin over here"

"Sorry Roman. One dose of pheromones per day"

"Crap"

"Ok, now we see some Michael Bay explosions. Cool"

"I think this may be the most intense disaster movie ever"

"Of all time"

"For the last time, no, I will not allow a reaction to Red vs Blue and that is final!"

"Ok, ok"

"Is Agent K gonna save the world when LA erupts?"

"He sure is, baby, he sure is"

"I wish the lava would swallow that annoying daughter of his"

"Me too, but that doesn't happen"

"Ok, so they're pushing the lava into the ocean? What does that mean for the beach?"

"Maybe if you shut up and listen, you'll find out"

"Oh… that's how it ends? They name the *censored* thing Mt. Wilshire?"

"Well, that went well"

"I want those 2 pages of my life back"

"Too bad, because we're doing it again"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"HAHAHAHA! Gotcha!"

"Don't ever, ever, EVER do that again"


End file.
